Our busy, modern world. - No time for monkey business?

My dearest, most loyal readers,

After thoughtful consideration I have decided to up the number of recurring formats that are seen in Wouter's World. Thus far we have only encountered Woutube and NeWWs Flash, which are of course bound to stay. (Wuzzah!)
Here is the list of new formats you will regularly see appear in this blog:

* Kick Rick! - 101 Ways to torture my good friend.
* Drugs are bad, mm'kay? - Blogs written completely under influence!

There are bound to come more formats later on, but those concepts aren't finished yet. Should you come up with a crazy idea, let me know! You know you can contact me at woutersworld@gmail.com!

Now, back to today's blog!

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Depression's dark hand has our world in his strong grip once again! I have been warning people for the Age of Emo for a long time now, but no one believed me. Still, even the unbelievers have to face the facts! The number of suicides is increasing rapidly each year, especially in Europe, the U.S.A. and Japan the increase is exceptionally noticable. This goes hand in hand with an even bigger increase of depressions.



Yes, we're mainly talking about depressions under the western youth now. Why is this happening, you ask? I could of course study the phenomenon for years and conclude that it's due to our society that is getting more and more complex, which causes people to flee into alternate realities and eventually, seek death. However, that would be a far too serious approach for Wouter's World.

No Sir, where there's a solution, there's a problem! Or wait...


Anyway... I decided to come up with a cure for this western luxury disease. After thoughtful concideration and mutliple experiments in my lab I had to conclude that, though there are many keys that fit our black emotional door, the best way to solve this massive depression is entertainment. And whaddayathink? Let that just be my specialisation!

Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby propose to you my prize-winning answer to society's tears!

MONKEYS!


Yup, it's nature's clown alright! Honestly, who does not enjoy a good laugh while observing our silly relatives? I myself have dreamt of my own butler monkeys for years now! Awww, I can dream, can't I?

Monkeys are already being used for many useful purposes. The best example is of course the Trunk Monkey, invention of Suburban Auto Group. This revolutionary system uutilises their incredible powers to adapt to almost any situation. My advise? If you feel insecure in your car in our modern, dangerous world, take a TM(tm) with you and you'll feel a lot brighter!


Trunk Monkeys are awesome!


You know what is even more fascinating? The fact that it doesn't really matter what it is a monkey does. We always find it hilarious somehow. Observe the next picture I took in Asia last year. This monkey has just caught himself a cat and is about to eat it. Still people were pointing and laughing. But then again, they eat cats there as well, don't they? Anywho...



And then just the way they look! Though I find these Nose Apes kinda intimidating seen their size, their nose is hilarious by nature. I coudn't help but laugh at their big-nosed leader!



Of course there's also their incredible wit! You just have to laugh when you see this guy! (Ignore the wannabe-funny presentator.)



And for the die-hards, some more monkey videos!



Oh, and even a classic!



Whoopsie, almost forgot the time watching comparisons of Bush with monkeys. Yes, surprisingly there are lots of those...

Anyway, my plan is to create huge monkey concentration camps where they will be forced to reproduce, while their offspring will receive training in the ways of human humor! Soon we shall have enough monkeys for everyone and depression shall reign our rich ass world no longer!

Honestly, people! Laugh some more! Life is a game, a play, a laugh! Make the best of it! Feeling down and confused? Can't handle the pressure anymore? Slap yourself in the face and smile! Monkeys rule!

Cheers,
Wowter

P.S. Monkeys are only relatives of non-muslims. Allah created the proud muslim people afterwards or something... errrr... anyway, praise Allah!

New: weekly poll

From now on Wouter's World will feature a weekly poll. Every Sunday evening a new poll will be launched on which you can vote for 7 days. Each sunday the results of the poll will be discussed here.

Use your democratic powers!

Cheers,
Wowter

Wouter's World - End of the holiday break!

Yes, it is true! Today someone reminded me of my blog, which I had indeed planned to bring back up one of these days, but had utterly forgotten all about due to my new study. Luckily, now that things have settled a bit, I will have a free hour or two per day to spend on my blog o' rubbish!

Due to me being more active than ever before irl, I have to tune down the update rate though. I aim for an article or event every other day, so stay tuned! Wouter's World will update on mon-wed-fri-sun. This will hopefully result in a sustained quality. (Well, we can hope, can't we?)

Anyway, I'd like to express my thanks to my sexy collegue who reminded me of my long-forgotten blog. (Hope your date went well, btw ;))

Sleep well, dream of tomorrow's blog and praise Allah!

Cheers,
Wowter

Holiday Break

I'm off to France for 3 weeks. When I get back, I will renew Wouter's World. This time, a 1000 times better! Fear and tremble mortals! And enjoy your holidays!

Cheers,
Wowter

Prologue, chapter 1

Britain, 1666...

The tall man walked up the wooden stage and then watched the crowd in front of him. The view would have surprised any other, but not him. He seemed to be rather pleased as he inspected the mass of people. The audience whispered excitedly as they watched the tall man look around. Apparently, he would have some important stuff to say.

The man looked quite extraordinary. He had a grand, pointy moustache on his long, rimpled face. He wore a long hat and a beautiful brown 17th century suit. He was, however, no match for his audience. It was filled with the most unusual people you could imagine. Midgets, giants, witches, eastern sorcerors and black medicine men were just some of the people that gave the impression that this was not the most common of conventions.

The whispers had turned into loud chats and the tall man raised his hands. In seconds, the noise died away and everyone stared at him anxiously. He smiled mildly and coughed a few times before he commenced his speech.

"It pleases me greatly that you have all come here voluntarily. However, those of you who chose otherwise, have been brought here yesterday, unfortunately with use of the neccessary force."

Whispers had gone up for a second, but another arm gesture returned the crowd to silence once again.

"We can assure you no one has come to harm. However, we had to remove their powers by force, thus causing them some unpleasant feelings. You may be wondering where we stored their magic. We know like no other the power of such combined magic and were therefore forced to store it in our most enchanted chest. Behold..."

He now had the attention of every single person present before him. He stepped back a little and closed his eyes. He slowly started waving his hands above the wooden stage and smoke came out of nowhere. Suddenly his eyes opened, but they were completely white. His body shook as he muttered incantations. Runes appeared under his hands and started to glow intensely.

Then, after a loud sonic boom accompanied by lightning and more smoke, he fell down on the stage. The crowd gasped in amazement as the smoke slowly disappeared. On the stage now stood 5 grand wizards and 4 stunning sorceresses. In their midst stood a large, runed, wooden chest. Everyone seemed to feel it... this chest radiated immense power.

"The..." spoke the tall man again when he got back on his feet, "...the Council of Ten has used all her power to deny access to this chest's contents for the latest months. We have succeeded in doing so, for today our quest will be completed.
We allow the world to enter an era of peace and reason. This will be a new dawn for mankind. In a matter of time, we shall all be equals and thus war shall die out. We will finally be able to work towards a better future worldwide. Our sacrifice will make this possible. We are the martyrs of peace!"

When he spoke those last words most of the crowd erupted in cheers. Some seemed rather annoyed however, and did not speak. Still, no one seemed to deem it wise to contradict the magnificent speaker.

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"...but you're talking about the Council of Ten, aunt Beth!"

"Of course I am. And do I seem to care? Begone, you annoying girl!" sneered the old, hunched witch as she scurried into her tent.

The entrance of the tent flew open again and in came a red-haired little girl in a brown dress. She must've been around 14 years old. She breathed heavily, yet did not seem surprised by the contents of the tent, which was full of most unusually gross substances and scrolls. The girl swallowed before she spoke again.

"You won't leave the terrain like this and even if you did, the Council would track you down in less time than it takes for a falling apple to hit the ground!"

The old woman quickly jumped forward and picked up a handful of dirt. She threw it into the air and as it fell back to the ground, a green shoot had come out of the ground. The red-haired girl watched in amazement as it grew to the roof of the tent. Apples formed at its branches. A red apple suddenly fell down and held still in mid-air.

"Magic. Do you think it is hard for me to stop an apple from hitting the ground? The Council is full of young idealists. William has lost his ways and his nine pupils make him believe the world is better off without magic. Rat poop, I say! Without magic, how will I survive my weekly excecution?"

"Aunt Beth," the girl pleaded "no one forces you to participate in witch hunts. After all, you are a witch. And honestly, you're scaring the townsfolk. You could easily live a quiet, normal life without excecutions. You are addicted to death."

"At my age you have to be addicted to something to survive. I chose death. Now quit your yabbering and get out of my tent before you step on a scroll." With a clap of her hands, the girl got launched out of the tent, which imploded seconds later with a cracking sound."

Then, with another series of cracking sounds the old witch re-appeared on the ground, surrounded by the Council of Ten. She stared around and then fixed her eyes on the tall man she referred to as William. She spit on the ground and within the blink of an eye she threw a deep purple bolt out of her right hand in his direction.

The black-haired wizard on his right quickly countered the spell with a light blue blast. William didn't move an inch, but smiled widely at the old witch.

"Beëlzebeth. I had not expected anything different from you. A talented witch like yourself finds it hard to let go, no doubt. However, your game will end here and now. You are next to hand in your powers and believe me, it'll be more pleasant for all of us if you hand it to us peacefully." he spoke, his smile still on his face.

Beëlzebeth gave William a nasty look, but he only seemed to enjoy it.

"Very well then. I hope you choke on my magic! May it choke you like cesspit fumes. Your idealistic views will never save the world, because you have donkey brains! You want my magic? Fine. ARRANTHE NEMA NEMA DUUS!"

On the ground lay a swollen up, scurvy dog. I seemed to be filled with cancer and swellings with dark green ooze dripping from its anus. It tried to roll over, but barfed over the dark-haired wizard's shoes.

"All my magic in one sick dog. Throw it in your chest, why don't you? Much good it'll do to you." Beëlzebeth spoke and kicked the dog in its swollen stomach.

The dark-haired wizard grabbed for something in his pocket as the dog barfed over his shoes again. The tall wizard named William restrained him. He waved his hands over the dog, which disappeared without sound.

"Pity." He spoke. "I'd have expected more from the great Beëlzebeth, oldest witch of the world. This magic is rather pitiful, but nonetheless it is good we have it stored. Check her."

Two sorceresses used magic globes around her and the blond one nodded to William. "She is nothing more but a filthy old woman now."

William's smile had not faded all this time.

"Good. We'll be on our way then. We have a world to improve. Oh, and Beth, try not to get yourself killed in the next witch hunt, will you?" he sneered.

Then, with cracking sounds the Council disappeared. Beëlzebeth muttered and swore and scurried off.

"A- Aunt Beth..." the girl stuttered, "Are you completely powerless now?"

"I'm out of magic if that's what you mean, but that doesn't mean I'm powerless. I'm going home to live the rest of my life in my shack. Go home to my sister; she'll be pleased to hear the next time I die, it'll be permanent."

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This concludes part A of the prologue. There is more to come soon. Don't worry if this strikes you as too serious; the story will get wicked eventually. Heck, it'll even feature the most anti-climactic battles between good and evil ever.

Enjoy the reads,
Wowter

Sorries

My deepest sorries for the lack of content. However, I can assure you the blog is far from dead and will be around many years to come. Currently I am planning on featuring a story on this blog. It will be a series of short chapters. Of course, the readers can alter the course of events by suggesting thingies to me.

That's all I can say for now. There will be more downtime due to my holidays in France, but I'll be sure to give WW a new kick start in September.

Greetings,
Wowter

WouTube: Christian Special

Excuse me for yesterday. I had better things to do than make a blog, in all honesty. Though I will make it up to you tonight by sharing with you inside information about Christianity.

Note on forehand: The next may be offensive to Christians. Please keep in mind that everyone is entitled to an opinion and comical harrassment is to be taken lightly. Yes, holy figures may be made fun off, but don't let it cloud your mind from valid points being made.

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The Pope has never read the Bible.
And God's plan is ridiculous...


NOTE: WW does in (almost?) no way share the ideas the Godisimaginary site puts forward. Their logic is (mostly?) flawed and mainly based on quotes from the Bible. Using the Bible for this is an easy and somewhat lame way to make a point. Still, enjoy the vids and please do think about religion in a sane way.

Family Guy - The Pope


Family Guy - Jesus and God


Jesus is a jerk. - Some parts from the Bible.
The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it.
Later we learn that the tree is dead.

A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession." Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us." He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel."

Jesus - I will survive


Ostrich, Hippo & Jesus, Tha Moovy (Part 1 of a 4-parter)

Completely brilliant. I dare you to watch the 40 mins of material.

Yay. Youtube is a great substitute for writing anything yourself. If you watched all of this you have at least partly been enlightened about Christianity and religion in general. More about this later. Perhaps even todays!

Wow!ter