In this edition:
* Russia tests the Baluva. Sounds like a yummy cake. Is a deadly weapon.
* Survival of the fattest. Good news if you like big bottoms!
* David Hasselhoff accused of being gay!
Enjoy and be enlightened!
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Hide! The Russians are angry! In response to America's plans to install a missile defense shield in Europe, Russia has speeded up their tests with the Baluva, a fearsome new nuclear missile that should be a key element of their modern arsenal.
"The Bulava is designed to have a range of 10,000km (6,200 miles) and carry six individually targeted nuclear warhead"s."
This thing can reach 50% of the world. If they install several in Russia, they can effectively pose a threat to 80% of the populated world. Pretty much the only safe places would be North Australia, North Africa and North America, which is the safest place of all (when we're talking about Russian missiles, ofc).
Source: Google Earth
"Russian President Vladimir Putin has described the missile as a key component of Moscow's future nuclear forces, saying it can penetrate any prospective missile defence system."
Did anyone say the cold war is over? Cough, cough, not, cough, cough. See how Putin calls it Moscow's 'future nuclear forces'? The man is smart enough not to refer to it as 'future nuclear defenses', because he wants to scare the dumb Americans shitless... and he will. (NOTE: Putin did not mention that the missile was made of cartboard and piloted by a chimpansee)
Problem is, Russia wants to taunt America and America gives Russia what it wants by responding like an angry ape. Now it's time to speculate. America has made a fool of itself in the Middle East. This can lead to either of two things:
1) Bush thinks it better not to lead any more wars, since the Americans suck at it.
2) Bush will try to save America's reputation by looking for a new war that will be handled with more care.
Number 2 seems most likely to me, but that mainly depends on America's next president. Which pea brain will they elect next time?
All in all America sucks at making friends and Russia doesn't want any friends. I frown upon their silly testosteron-induced behaviour and hide in Europe, where the grass is greener, the food is better, but the women are smarter.
Quotes from BBC News.
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People are getting fatter. Rapidly! In The Netherlands 40% is too fat. Several years ago this was 30%. Are us Dutchies heading for the same weight as the Americans? Hopefully not, because in Amerika 65% is too fat! Sixty five procent! Can you fucking believe it? Of all the Americans 24.5% is obese even!
Oh. My. God. Now these girls are obese, ok?
There have been many studies looking for an explanation. It has been difficult, for many possible solutions had been found.
Genes! They make us fat! It's all DNA's fault! We cannot resist it...
Fear! Scared people eat more! Damn those muslim terrorists for making us fat!
Fat Gnomes! They inject us with fat when we're asleep.
Unfortunately, they appeared to be far from the truth. (The Fat Gnomes were actually harmless Underpants Gnomes, injecting people with sedatives to make their job of stealing underpants a bit easier.)
Food. Lots of it. Eat a lot, get fat. Eat some more, get obese. It's simple.
Nice Orly Owls!
Being fat is not good and only a few people (less than 1%) have a disorder that unables them to have a normal weight. Yes, food is nice. Yes, we can eat a lot. Yes, we won't die immediately from it. But...
Fat people are ugly.
Fat people are less healthy.
Fat people eat too much; simple.
Now then. Some people have asked me what to do about it. Do you really want me to answer? I guess you do. EAT LESS! YA RLY! Eat less, move more. Take the bike to work, eat an apple when you are hungry, don't eat too much fried food, have more sex (with sex I do not mean 2 minute sessions, mm'kay?).
Or, the modern alternative solution:
Uncle Sam says: "Having weapons comes with a responsibility!"
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David Hasselhoff has been accused of being gay after pictures of him had been posted on an anonymous blog. The Hoff had one thing to say in return.
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This was NeWWs Flash! I hope you have all been enlightened. Tune in next time for more news! Same blog, some other day.
Disclaimer: Wouter's World does not claim fat people are dumber. We only claim dumb people are fatter.
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