'REVENGE!!' yelled the little bunny.

So... damn... tired. Have barely slept the last few weeks. Now it's come so far that I can't actually think anymore. Please forgive me, for tonight's blog might be nothing or it might be total nonsense. Even I myself will only find out tomorrow when I read it with an active brain.

I was actually so damn tired that when I pulled 20 euro out of the wall (or whatever this is referred to in English), I just left it there and left. Luckily a nice lady yelled at me and saved me from my doom. I tripped over her dog, though. Then I bought some food, went to my brother's place and forgot my food when I went back home. Now here I am, foodless and tired, trying to blog something blogful.

I've been taking courses all day. I am working for this fast food thingemabob and it wanted me to take courses. What is there to learn I didn't know already? Nothing, I found out. Poor little me, having to answer questions like "Does anybody know why we benefit from selling more food?". I have frowned all day, smiling whenever someone made a clever remark, but that was all my fun for today.

Now, let me end today's blog with a bed time story.

"'REVENGE!!' yelled the little bunny, 'REVENGE!!' and it bit through the throats of the unbelieving dogs! And errr, the blood sprayed in all directions! And errr..."

Good night, my followers.
Wow!ter

'Gnomatter the matter, I will find the truth!' - Wouter Lockefeer, 2007

I've been doing research for years now. Two weeks ago, I completed the underground connection to my laboratory. My laboratory is situated in the north of Holland, while I currently live in the east. Thanks to this underground rail rocket I have now been able to spend some more time on my science projects. Tonight I will reveal to you the secret... of matter!

Matter.



Matter. You have all heard about it, but what is it? I'll assume you went to school and payed at least some attention during physics and chemistry classes. This should have taught you that matter consists of molecules. Each substance on earth consists of its unique molecules. Molecules consist of atoms. You may remember this baby:



IMPORTANT NOTICE: DO NOT ADD THESE ELEMENTS TOGETHER, OR THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT MIGHT SEIZE TO EXIST: Beryllium, Oxygen, Phosphorus, Sulfur, Vanadium and Molybdenum.

Now, atoms consist of protons, neutrons and electrons flying around em:



The nucleus consists of protons and neutrons. The electrons fly in an orbit around the nucleus.
Protons then can be split into quarks and gluons, but you probably never came this far... which is good! For I have made a discovery.

Ernest Rutherford, formerly thought of as a brilliant scientist, deceived us. He was actually the leader of an organisation called the CHM(WD)*. This organisation used science to make us believe the world consisted of complex particles, to destroy religions. They managed to harm our religions (even the only right one, the Islam) by confusing people. Until today...
*) Christianity Hates Masturbation (We Don't)

After months of intense research, I have finally constructed my Sensy-Ray 2007, a microscope that uses the quantum mechanics of electrons flying at nearly the speed of light to 'scan' objects on the smallest scale imaginable. And what I witnessed, shocked the very foundations of what I had believed all my life. Matter consists of nothing else than...


GNOMES!

Indeed. Tiny buggers with red hats! I couldn't believ what I saw, so I kept scanning more and more and more... just to find the same results over and over. On every single level of existance, gnomes provide the scientific answer. I zoomed in on sperms, which appear to actually be gnomes in diving suits. I was abashed!

I decided to see where else the CHM(WD) had spread their filthy lies! I studied everything I could find. Cars seem to work with gnomes running around in the tires to create the propulsion. A little needle is placed behind them, to make sure that slacking gnomes will keep running. I opened a lamp, to find a gnome keeping a torch aflame all the time. I couldn't believe it!

This is the stunning conclusion of WW science experiment. Do not believe what scientists try to make you believe, for it is all a big fat lie to keep you from believing in Allah. Allah be praised!

I'd like to end with this piece of proof:


NOTE: Allah himself is not a gnome. He does however consist out of gnomes, of course. Allah be praised!

No blog, but... The Hoff!

I'm sorry guys. Turned out my blog for today was a piece of shit. (Not like the others. This one was even worse!) Therefore I have deleted it and cancelled tonight's blog. Tomorrow I'll do my best to create something more entertaining.

For tonight, I have a little something for the ladies to make it up to them! (And of course all the gays!) Enjoy!

Omg, it's the Hoff!






















The Hoff, he's sexy!


Omigod! Could it be more Hoff?!


Am I the only one getting horny like a japanese school girl?


This is the best by far. Enough naked Hoff to last a lifetime!


I want this! I want this! I want this! You want this! You want this! You want this!


Seriously. David Hasselhoff is one of the best Americans ever! God bless America! God bless the Hoff!

Update!

Oh my god! Oh, my, GOD! You guys! I am seriously, you guys! I have just added real ads to my blog! You can now click on relevant advertisements right here on this very page! Oh my, I think I already saw an advertisement of a Christian site! This google adsense thingy is smart! Oh, and I have also added a real search bar! Next thing to add: flashing banners!

I do anything for my loyal readers!
Have fun!

Wow!ter

WouTube!

Time for the first edition of WouTube, a Wouter's World production!

Explore the internet to the max with WouTube. Videos selected by your enlightened friend will hopefully give you a laugh, inspire you or simply give you something to do when you're utterly bored. Enjoy!

Word Disassociation, by Lemon Demon

This music clip is one of the best budget productions I have ever seen. You might not know Lemon Demon yet, but he makes some of the most original and funny music I know. I would really recommend looking him up on youtube, because he made way, way more stuffs that are worth every second!

Merry Fucking Christmas - South Park


South Park is one of the best animated series ever and I can greatly advise you to watch all the episodes. In this old Christmas special, Mr. Garrison explains about the diversity of cultures on earth.

Tha Cliff (2) - by Cimoc (Warning! French site! Don't click it!)


Don't try to jump over cliffs. It's not smart, kk? I'm sorry if you think this was lame, but I just love stick figures :P

Purple and Brown - From Above


"Hohoo! Hoh! Huh huh huh huh" Gotta love these. Just gotta!

More Purple and Brown!


A collection, if you feel like it.

George W. Bush


My favourite quotes:
"I think war is a dangerous place."
"It will take time to restore chaos."
"The literacy level of our children are apalling!"
"Not one doubt in my mind that we will fail."

God bless this man.

---

If you have any suggestions for future blogs, let me know!

Good Night!
Wouter

The unfartgivable curse

My disrespect for authority had gotten me into serious trouble today. I was walking home from work, happily humming and smelling flowers, when a certain urge to be naughty came up again. I sat down in the grass and pondered. I had insulted God loads the last few days and his retaliation had been meager. He had made my collegues go sick, but that's not much too worry about. No, I had to come up with something more... daring.

Then all of the sudden a dangerous thought popped up in my mind. 'I could... I could say it.' my rebellious self said. 'No no no. That's madness. It could get us killed. Or worse...' my wise self said. 'Oh, cut the crap, let's find girls and have sex!' my penis said. 'Oh, shut up! Seriously, we're trying to think here!'

Eventually, my lazy self decided the only way to end the tiresome discussion in my brains, was to actually do it. So I stood up, took a deep breath and said: "Voldemort."

Immediately I felt myself being pushed through a tight hole in the air and I started to spin like crazy! After some seconds the spinning stopped and the tight feeling disappeared. I gulped for air as I landed on a misty cemetary. Shocked and scared shitless I looked around. There was no one to be seen.

Then suddenly right behind me I heard a high-pitched cackle! I jumped around and right in front of me stood the Lord of Darkness himself. On his mutilated face, there was an expression of pure evil pleasure.

"Hello, Mr. Wouter." he said softly. "Thought I wouldn't have time to kill a rude muggle, didn't you? Well, I am pleased to say I have enough spare time to even torture you for a while."

I stepped back and tripped over a rotting corpse against a gravestone. I shaked with fear and fell on the ground, my eyes fixed on Voldemort, who still cackled softly, seemingly amused with his prey.

Out of nowhere, death eaters popped up all around me. I recognized some of them, not the least of which Lucius Malfoy, whose arrogant smile and pale face were clearly visible in the dim moonlight. He snared at me gave his wand a little flick. My entire body burned inside! Excruciating pain down my spine. It felt as if my eyes were about to pop out of my skull! I wriggled on the ground, screaming as I had never before.

"Stop, Lucius. I don't want him to lose conscience. Not yet." Voldemort implored his minion, and the pain subsided. I felt tears roll down my face as I looked down at the damp grass. Why... why had I mocked the master of evil... the soulless one? I now realised my bravery had been nothing but foolishness. If only I could turn back time...

"Now you will feel true pain, muggle!" Voldemort hissed at me, pointing his wand in my direction.

"NO! God, please, no! I'll never insult you again! I am eternally sorry, o He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Spare me!" I yelled, rolling over the ground, crying.

"You should have thought of that earlier, petty mortal. Now you will -"
*high-pitched fart*

Voldemort coughed. "Now you... now you will face the wr-"


"Did he just fart?" Malfoy whispered to Goyle.

"It couldn't be... could it?" whispered Goyle.

Voldemort seemed lost for the moment, searching for words. "As I was saying... mor... errr... muggle, you will now face my -"

I interrupted him by rolling over the ground, this time roaring in laughter. If you didn't know better, you'd think someone had cast the cruciatus curse on me again. I shook my head and tears fell from my eyes.

"HE -" I yelled, hardly able to control my voice, "FARTED! HE FARTED!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

Sweat appeared on Voldemort's face as he gazed at me. He surely knew it was too late to deny it now. And all his Death Eaters had been present. This was a hopeless situation.

"Come on!" he said "Everyone farts every once in a while. I couldn't help it."

The Death Eaters stared at him in complete disbelief.

"It's this new body. Gives me some extra air. I had to release it..."

Crabbe had started snorting with laughter, tried to cough to hide it, but failed miserably. It only took a minute before all of the Death Eaters had joined me on the ground.

"A - hahahahaha - a fahahahahahart!" "And all this time we thought he was all-powerful! Can you believe it?!" "Ahahahahahaha!"

Voldemort looked at his minions in utter disbelief and said "But... I can kill you all. I still can!"

"Sure, Voldy!" roared Avery, madly slamming his fists on the ground. "Or should we say - VoldeFART!"

The Death Eaters cried in laughter and rolled over the ground again, whispering jokes at each other with their spare breath. Voldemort stood silent and seemed at a complete loss.

I wiped away my tears and walked up to him. I swung one arm over his shoulder and shook him a bit. "Oy, c'mon man! Cheer up! It's only a fart! It's not the end of your career!" I said and at the same moment, Jugson and Lucius looked at Voldemort, exchanged looks and fell on the ground in laughter once again.

I sniggered. "Oy, look at the time! I really have to get home, Voldy; got a blog to write. I'll catch you later, m'kay?"

Luckily Lucius could direct me to a portkey and I journeyed home with considerable ease.

---

You may wonder what the hell you can learn from this story. Well, the clue is that if you should ever encounter a purely evil being (such as Sauron, Voldemort or Dick Cheney), the only thing you have to do to beat em, is to make em look rediculous. You'll find out being the perfect bad guy is the hardest job on earth (after the job of telling Bush what to say through his earphones).

Note: This takes place in book 7. Yes, I am befriended with J.K. Rowling and I have already read it. In short: Harry dies in chapter 2 when crossing a street in London without watching left and right first, Snape turns out to be evil and Voldemort commits suicide shortly after a fart incident.

Second note: I apologize for the sucky title.

To those of you who nagged me that Voldemort would simply have used 'obliviate' to save his ass: Get a life, nerds!

I (heart) art?

As if I am examining it thoroughly, I peer at the painting without making a sound. The guy next to me has obviously noticed, for he has just begun rubbing his chin, as if pondering gravely. How to beat the old-fashioned chin-rubbing? I feel cold sweat on my forehead. Quickly I correct myself by rasping my throat, saying: "Ahhh, yes. Brilliant!"

My competitor seems to get nervous. Then all of the sudden he retreats, leaving me with my sweet victory! I have won the museum battle once again! That is... I would have, if it weren't for the guy who just walked in. He peers at the painting named 'Jesus lives in my closet' featuring a girl blowing bubbles out of her armpits while tiny Tyranosaurs dance around her. He merely mumbles "Moronic..." and carries on. Both me and my anonymous competitor sigh. This guy has surely won.

---

That was, of course, a normal day in the museum. You all know the feeling. You walk around, watching paintings and statues in the presence of people you don't know. You don't want to seem like a total noob, so you stand still at every piece of art and act as if you're pondering about its meaning. Deep inside, you hope someone who seems to have some sort of status will say something out loud, so you can copy his or her opinion and seem intelligent.

What is it about art that makes us nervous? What is the power of art? Or even better... what is art?

Art
Even the first real humans felt a certain urge to create images of our world in an artistic way. Cave men, with an IQ of an average American, found out chalk, coal and sand could be used to make drawings in their homes (caves, for the idiots among you). Nowadays we call this early forms of art, and I have to agree. It certainly seems our hairy ancestors tried to make their drawings look... cool somehow, which counts as art for me!

Art has evolved throughout the ages. We have seen gigantic frescos featuring godly sceneries, magnificent statues of mighty leaders and wonderful buildings that showed the greatness of their builders. However, that is in the past. Art has become something to fear; something you try to avoid, but get confronted with whether you like it or not. The reason? Fake art. Short: fart.

Fart is a recent abomination of art that has brought with it its dark and frightening atmosphere. You see, with our recent wealth and peace, we have become free to do whatever we want. We can create pretty much anything we want ourselves and share it with each other in a matter of seconds. Computers and internet have given us the opportunity to seem like professionals! This has given many of us the idea that they can create art... with disastrous results!



Shiver and tremble! This painting is worth more money than you have earned in your life, no doubt. Yet, is it truly artistic? Farts!








This is art. See? It required thought to create and gives you something to think about. Real art!












Obviously a fart! I mean... what's up with this, eh? It's crazy!









This is art, people! Look at it. Makes you wonder about... stuffs! Really, this is really artly!





Really. What the fuck is up with this? Complete gibberish without a point. Go home, loser! Just because you can make weird stuff doesn't make you an artist. Really... some people...








Now THIS is top of the bill art! The set-up, the deep controversial background, the lighting; the work of a true master. This stuff separates the art from the fart baby!












Errrrrr... learn to hold your pencil? 100% noob, people! Pure shitsounds! Take a look at it! Learn to draw within the lines, kiddo. This stuff can make me really angry.











And finally...






True art. See how the word 'Loneliness' makes you think about stuff? Indeed. That's art.








Fart is what confuses you. Every time you see something that is supposed to be art, you wonder whether you should like it or not. Remember, people! Art is not about what the mainstream thinks! Art is about breaking barriers and making people wonder about life. If you like something weird, just call it art. Art is flexible: it's what you make of it. Don't let the mass control your opinion. Let me.


When I said that any fool can make something and act professional, I didn't refer to my own blog, thank you very much!

Fart sound by Fart Sounds - We fart. You laugh.

Humorism: believing in Superhuman

With artwork by The Perry Bible Fellowship.

Been working all day. It's sunday, for crying out loud. I have an exciting job at a snack bar on the train station. Today, for absolutely no reason, the Red Hot Chili Peppers decided it'd be cool to give some lousy concert right here in my town, causing my o so relaxed sunday to be turned into a frying hell.

"Damn it! We're working our asses off! And it's freaking sunday! God would roll over in his grave if he knew about this."

One of my collegues looked at me with a deep frown.

"In his grave... in heaven." I said.

The frown didn't disappear.

"God's dead, didn't you know?"

"That's not funny. You shouldn't make fun of that." she said.

"What? I'm sorry. Did he die in a humiliating way?"

Sometimes I am proud of my witty remarks. However, she wasn't amused at all.

"God is not dead, nor is he capable of dying. He is everliving and all-knowing and I am sure he doesn't mind us serving these people on His day." she snared at me.

I pondered for a second, then said "I thought he was all-powerful? Yet he is not capable of dying?"

Anyways... turns out sometimes my jokes aren't appreciated. She did not respond.

---

God.
Apparently making jokes about God isn't always funny. How come? Does our Lord have no sense of humor? I decided to pick up the Bible and see for myself. Turns out He is indeed quite a boring bastard. He doesn't fool around, doesn't abuse his powers and his apparitions aren't really all that funny either (you're all-powerful and you appear as a burning shrubbery? Ni, I say!).

Now then, I think the Bible is mistaken. God is actually a very humorous fellow. Once I prayed for a sign and he appeared to me in the form of some guy in a van, waving at me! Well, that was at least wannabe funny! He once froze my fridge, made my fruit rott and made my can opener disappear on the same day! That was a good one, really! And last but not least, he made me accidentally click on "Print" when I was looking at some porn picture when my printer was broken, and made my printer miraculously work again when my parents came to visit! Oy, that was pure gold!









And we all like to joke around with him in return!









This is, of course, alright. See, God made us in his image. From this we can deduct that God resembles us, and that all our characteristics can be found in Him. So, in fact, I am sure God would laugh about a good fart, a remark about stupid women or even a joke about himself. (Please note: God created men in his image and later added women to spice up man's life, so no, God surely does not have a period, even though reading the Bible may make you believe otherwise) This believe is called Humorism and was founded by Casper Versteijlen in 2004.

We're only human, but God is only superhuman. Just like he cannot blame us for not being perfect, we cannot possibly blame him for not always being perfectly friendly.
(I can greatly recommend you Too Much Spare Time animations, made by Andrew Kepple. His Flash skill is quite unmatched.)

It is most important for us all to understand God didn't want us to follow his orders without question. In fact, the only reason he created us was boredom. He had the powers, so why not? Unfortunately, we have used God as an excuse to perform unholy deeds all throughout history. We killed, we tortured, we annoyed, we bored. Indeed, we have driven off from God's ideals. If you take the time to watch South Park S11E05, you will find out that in God's plan, we shouldn't even have a human as pope. We would have a rabbit, for rabbits do not command us, they just sniff and hop around.


















All in all God is just a friendly fellow who has the time and power to mess with all of our lives once every while. We shouldn't be too upset by it, for we wouldn't have done better in his shoes. Nor should we be defending him, for he deserves all the jokes we make about him!

One last warning to enlighten you heathens. If you don't follow the ways of Humorism, you might find yourself 'accidentally' thrown in hell for all eternity, for God doesn't want to get bored to death in Heaven!

Disclaimer: This blog is about God, not Allah. Allah is almighty and perfect. Praise Allah, my muslim friends!

EDIT: Humorism as religion is NOT the same as the classical science of humorism, which is utter bullcrap.

Hail, new masters!

A lot of people have been asking me what I think about the future of the world, especially whether or not I believe a third World War will take place. Well now, to satisfy all your needs I have created this guide to survival during the Third War. Enjoy and be enlightened.

---

The Participants

A third World War you say? But who would possibly benefit from another war? Surely no one would like to see more suffering... right?

...right?

Oh, come on! Open your eyes and take a look around. No, not your room, not your neighbourhood and probably not your own country. Look beyond all that... and you'll see there are quite some candidates for our new war.

- Russia
For generations the great Soviet Republic has been one of the mightiest nations on earth. Their supreme amounts of forces were enough to strike fear into the rest of the world's hearts. However, right now Russia is a stinking pile of poop. The Russians crave a future which resembles their past. A future where their mighty Russian leader leads them to glory.
Russia is weak and lame, but they would never hesitate to unleash mutated Giant Squids, Nuclear Bombs and Mind Control Devices upon anyone who would oppose them.

- America
The puberal United States think they are the best of the best. Land of the free, land of the rich, land of peace. In fact, however, America has become the land of the stoopid. The governments have done all they can to keep the nation dumb and paranoid. Especially now that 99% of the population is probably a muslim extremist, they won't hold back their forces of Evolved Dolphins, Time Bombs, Teleportation Devices and Black Shields (front lines filled with niggers).

- The Middle East
Eager to die for Allah, the Middle Eastern nations have used their downsides in their own favor. When you aren't allowed to masturbate, have sex before marriage and you live in sand, you are sure to get depressed. "Oy, I've got sand in my butt cheeks. I am not allowed to masturbate. Gah... I'll just do a suicide bombing and collect my virgins in Heaven!" As you can see, the Middle East will be most likely to strike at anyone not living in sand and allowed to masturbate. We should be afraid!!
Though their homes are made of shit and straw, they have developed incredible Biochemical Weapons and use Allah's anger to smite down unsuspecting mortals.

- China
They're being awefully quiet these days. There's billions of em and still we can't hear em. Indeed, the Chinese have been plotting a war for some time now. They have created an army of over 5 million people and to add to that, they have huge amounts of long range missiles, tanks, air fighters and nuclear devices. The Chinese have a simple reason to go to war. They have tiny penises, and only by exterminating the rest of the world will their penises finally be rated 'moderate'.
They won't hesitate to use their Cloning Devices to create unending amounts of soldiers and their newly enhanced X-Ray Goggles allow them to see their enemies penises, filling them with rage.

- Germany
Did you forget about the Germans?! My God! The pigdogs have been plotting their new German Empire for quite some time now. Ever since 1945 have they been lurking seemingly peacefully. However, they have secretly been aiding Al Quaida and have as of yet allied themselves with Russia and China, both of which don't know they're being doublecrossed. Germany will try to involve as many countries in the Third War as possible, to make them destroy each other.
Their reasons? Germans are evil pigs. Fact.

- The Vatican
The Christians have been way too inactive these past few ages. Yet as of late, they have renewed their strength, answering to a higher call from The Great Queen Spider who lives deep below in the catacombs of the Vatican. With their army of priests, they can molest little boys of all nations that oppose to Christianity rapidly.

Their holy powers of Resurrection, changing water into wine and walking on water will serve them well in the upcoming battle.

Japan, the rest of Europe, South America, Australia and Africa will remain neutral. Some for business reasons, others because they are wise, dumb, afraid or poor. I have ignored Canada, because they're not even a real country anyway.

The war!

My prediction is as follows:

America, paranoid as ever, will build defenses around Russia, China and the Middle East. Russia and the Middle East, as bad tempered as they are, will ready themselves with all their rusty old weapons, both chemical and nuclear. This will confirm the Americans' suspicions, who will now claim they were right to be paranoid.

Germany will now tell the Americans they should not tolerate this terrorist threat. The T-word will trigger the American offensive and the war has officially begun!

Russian Submarines will attack the American Harbors, while the American Fleet and Air Forces attack the Middle East. The Eastern Extremists will now unleash their Biochemical Weapons upon the entire world. The Chinese will commence attacks from their entire border, attacking everyone at random. The Vatican will send their Crusade to the Middle East, using their priestly powers to convert heathens to Christians.

Giant Squids pull down American Ships; huge Mechanical Dragons will rampage through European cities; Intelligent Dolphins will disrupt the eastern communication devices, while the Russian Forces take control of East-Europe with their Mind Control Satalites; Chrisitan Air Fighters will drop Holy Handgrenades, changing the eastern water supply into wine and splitting oceans, causing the American Fleet to take a giant hit.

Meanwhile, Japan will make a fortune out of selling weaponry to everyone. The United Nations will be sending angry letters to all the political leaders, explaining they don't think they are being taken seriously. While the Mind Control rays and Holy Missiles fly around their heads, the Germans await their moment to strike.

However, it is unclear who will be victorious.

---

In the corner of my closet stands a small box, containing a wide variety of flags. Once they invade us, I will step out of my room and hail my new masters. I have my Koran at the ready, have practised my phoney Russian accent and my penis won't be a threat to the Chinese.

I am prepared...
Are you?


Any similarities to South Park, Command & Conquer and Monthy Python are purely incidental.

Midgets, booze and sex

I have been confronted with myself today... and what a confrontation it was. I had only just been playing a most amusing Flash game for about 4 hours when someone knocked on my door. It always gives me a fright when this happens, for I have no friends, know none of the persons living down the hall and I have reason to believe that both the FBI and a murdering band of stranded aliens are after me. I quickly loaded my pistol and walked up to the door of my room.

"Open the damn door!" yelled a squeaky voice and the person outside knocked again.

I didn't remember any FBI agents with squeaky voices, nor an alien that spoke English, so I decided to put down the gun and open the door.

At first I saw nothing, but then the same voice yelled at me from below: "Down here, you jerk!"

In front of me... or rather, in front of my knees, there stood a balding midget. It looked at me quite madly and I wondered what could have upset the little fellow.

"Do you think this is funny?! Do you think this is freaking funny?!" it yelled, and pointed at my 'No Midgets - No Giants' sticker, which I had designed myself; frankly, mainly to avoid these kind of situations.

I sighed and looked at the sticker, where I had drawn a midget in a red 'NO' sign.

"Do you think this is some kind of joke, hanging this stuff here?!"

I sighed again and a feeling of guilt crept up my spine.

"OY! Do you even take this seriously?!" it yelled, this time looking even more frustrated.

"I - I am sorry..." I stuttered, slowly turning pink in the face. "I didn't realise... You're so right."

The midget seemed to cool down when I said that and now, more calmly, squeaked: "Alright. But it really pisses me off when I see shit like this hanging here. Think about others for once! It's not nice, don't you agree?"

"I am sorry, you are truly right." I said. "How could I have been so egocentric as to not even think about others when putting this sticker here. I - that was so selfish... You have opened my eyes."

The midget seemed to nod, though with midgets you really need an amplifying glass to be certain.

"Please. Let me correct my error." I said and I walked into my room to reach inside my 'No Midgets & Giants' box.

"What the... HEY! PUT ME DOWN!" it yelled as I swung the little guy over my shoulder. "FUCKING PUT ME DOWN!"

I tossed the tiny bugger out of the hall and put a sticker on the hall door. As I walked back I heard the nasty gnome had calmed down. He was right, but luckily I had corrected my error. Tomorrow I will start putting my stickers on all the halls of our student complex! Enlightenment feels good.

---

When I was finally done beating the silly Flash game, I decided to read the newspaper. After some Dutch nonsense my eyes stumbled upon an amazingly interesting article about alcohol and youngsters in America. I must admit it to you guys out there: you sure know how to handle this criminal behaviour!

Two American parents from Virginia have go to jail for 2 years for having served beer (yes, rly, beer!) to their 16 year old son and his friends on his birthday party. The bastards claimed they didn't want their son to sneak off and drink alcohol elsewhere, so they had allowed the beer to be consumed under their parental supervision. Honestly, those people make me sick!

Where have our values gone? Serving beer to 16 year olds! The legal drinking age in Virginia is 21, which is a bit low if you ask me, and these... these... TERRORISTS give their children beer! If you ask me, they could just as well have handed the youngsters over to Al Qaida! They could just as well have given them dildos! Don't they realise alcohol turns your children into gay muslim terrorists?! Heck, they might even become hippy democrats!

Two years is not enough. Therefore we must make a fist and fight alcoholism under youngsters. I myself am 19 and I never drink alcohol, for it is a sin! Luckily, the 16 year old boy has been saved from a fate worse than death. He will now grow up without his demon parents, knowing if he had not even wanted beer on his party, his parents wouldn't have been in jail. He has been enlightened, if you ask me.

By the way. In Virginia everyone can legally get a gun with the greatest of ease. Therefore it is most important to fight alcoholism there. Guns and booze make a bad combination. BAN THE BOOZE!

---

Well now. Some people still claim alcohol cannot turn you gay or muslim. For those ignorant hippies I have the following story. A story from my own, pitiful life.

Yes, before I found God and his glorious ways, I was a sinful bastard. At the age of 16, I had drunk wine with a friend. Safe to say, after this, we both experienced the effects on our sexuality and believes...

"Oh, ramon." I said.

"Oh, Wouter?" he said.

"I must say. This alcohol has caused me to be unable to think. I fear I might have turned homosexual."

Ramon nodded.

"I am experiencing the same thing. My sanity has completely vanished. Heck, I can barely concentrate on the subject. What was it... the impact of genetically modified rice on the health of Asian children? "

"Oh, heck no! We were talking about the contradictions in Victorian morales."

"I see." he said. "I am indeed quite drunk then."

"I must agree. The alcohol has taken hold of us."

A silence filled the room as we pondered.

"I might rape you tonight." I said.

Ramon nodded. "That'd be most homosexual."

"I know, but I cannot fight it. Damn you, alcohol! You have corrupted my pure soul."

"We're a lost cause, Wouter. We have soccumbed to sin. Soon we shall be banned from the society we used to love and we will be forced to end our life as muslim suicide bombers."

We then had gay sex all night and talked about how Allah would grant us wealth in the afterlife.

---

Now, if there is still one hippie out there who dares to say alcohol is not bad for children, I will eat my keyboard! Alcohol is bad for us, people. We should lock alcoholists away and force them to attend AA meetings as soon as we catch them; the younger the better. Hopefully one day America will show the world it has rid itself of all homosexualism and terrorism, through their daring approach of the problem that is booze.

Guns rock. Midgets suck. Facts.

Only one midget has been harmed during the production of the blog. Severely.

Wouter's World goes live

Welcome.

Beats me how you ended up here, but at any rate: welcome.

There are many blogs out there these days. Most of them are uninteresting gibberish written by frustrated girls who need a way to express their emotions. If you enjoy that stuff, bye. However, if you are looking for universal truths wrapped up in a layer of sweet pancakish sarcasm, this is the place to be.

Let me introduce myself. I am... well... Wouter. If this surprises you, I advise you to leave this blog, due to lack of brain cells. As you can see, I am an extraordinarly friendly guy. You just have to bite through the thick skin of sarcasm of my remarks. I must warn you, I really must: About 99% of what I say is sarcasm. To those of you who don't know what sarcasm is... *waves merrily*

I am Dutch. I am nuts. I sit in my room all day, pondering about life. Why does it treat us the way it does? Is there a divine being watching over us? Why can't humans lick their own balls? In short: I unravel the mysteries of life using my incredible brain, which functions as a host to many personalities. I might give them all name some day, but I'll save that for later.

Whenever you feel like you have something to say, count to 500 and post a well-written and grammatically correct comment. I read them all and will be happy to reply to them in future blog posts.

As for now, I must bid you goodbye. Your choice to read this blog has been a wise one, as you will realise soon enough. Welcome, lost soul.

Welcome on the road... to enlightenment.