I (heart) art?

As if I am examining it thoroughly, I peer at the painting without making a sound. The guy next to me has obviously noticed, for he has just begun rubbing his chin, as if pondering gravely. How to beat the old-fashioned chin-rubbing? I feel cold sweat on my forehead. Quickly I correct myself by rasping my throat, saying: "Ahhh, yes. Brilliant!"

My competitor seems to get nervous. Then all of the sudden he retreats, leaving me with my sweet victory! I have won the museum battle once again! That is... I would have, if it weren't for the guy who just walked in. He peers at the painting named 'Jesus lives in my closet' featuring a girl blowing bubbles out of her armpits while tiny Tyranosaurs dance around her. He merely mumbles "Moronic..." and carries on. Both me and my anonymous competitor sigh. This guy has surely won.

---

That was, of course, a normal day in the museum. You all know the feeling. You walk around, watching paintings and statues in the presence of people you don't know. You don't want to seem like a total noob, so you stand still at every piece of art and act as if you're pondering about its meaning. Deep inside, you hope someone who seems to have some sort of status will say something out loud, so you can copy his or her opinion and seem intelligent.

What is it about art that makes us nervous? What is the power of art? Or even better... what is art?

Art
Even the first real humans felt a certain urge to create images of our world in an artistic way. Cave men, with an IQ of an average American, found out chalk, coal and sand could be used to make drawings in their homes (caves, for the idiots among you). Nowadays we call this early forms of art, and I have to agree. It certainly seems our hairy ancestors tried to make their drawings look... cool somehow, which counts as art for me!

Art has evolved throughout the ages. We have seen gigantic frescos featuring godly sceneries, magnificent statues of mighty leaders and wonderful buildings that showed the greatness of their builders. However, that is in the past. Art has become something to fear; something you try to avoid, but get confronted with whether you like it or not. The reason? Fake art. Short: fart.

Fart is a recent abomination of art that has brought with it its dark and frightening atmosphere. You see, with our recent wealth and peace, we have become free to do whatever we want. We can create pretty much anything we want ourselves and share it with each other in a matter of seconds. Computers and internet have given us the opportunity to seem like professionals! This has given many of us the idea that they can create art... with disastrous results!



Shiver and tremble! This painting is worth more money than you have earned in your life, no doubt. Yet, is it truly artistic? Farts!








This is art. See? It required thought to create and gives you something to think about. Real art!












Obviously a fart! I mean... what's up with this, eh? It's crazy!









This is art, people! Look at it. Makes you wonder about... stuffs! Really, this is really artly!





Really. What the fuck is up with this? Complete gibberish without a point. Go home, loser! Just because you can make weird stuff doesn't make you an artist. Really... some people...








Now THIS is top of the bill art! The set-up, the deep controversial background, the lighting; the work of a true master. This stuff separates the art from the fart baby!












Errrrrr... learn to hold your pencil? 100% noob, people! Pure shitsounds! Take a look at it! Learn to draw within the lines, kiddo. This stuff can make me really angry.











And finally...






True art. See how the word 'Loneliness' makes you think about stuff? Indeed. That's art.








Fart is what confuses you. Every time you see something that is supposed to be art, you wonder whether you should like it or not. Remember, people! Art is not about what the mainstream thinks! Art is about breaking barriers and making people wonder about life. If you like something weird, just call it art. Art is flexible: it's what you make of it. Don't let the mass control your opinion. Let me.


When I said that any fool can make something and act professional, I didn't refer to my own blog, thank you very much!

Fart sound by Fart Sounds - We fart. You laugh.