Midgets, booze and sex

I have been confronted with myself today... and what a confrontation it was. I had only just been playing a most amusing Flash game for about 4 hours when someone knocked on my door. It always gives me a fright when this happens, for I have no friends, know none of the persons living down the hall and I have reason to believe that both the FBI and a murdering band of stranded aliens are after me. I quickly loaded my pistol and walked up to the door of my room.

"Open the damn door!" yelled a squeaky voice and the person outside knocked again.

I didn't remember any FBI agents with squeaky voices, nor an alien that spoke English, so I decided to put down the gun and open the door.

At first I saw nothing, but then the same voice yelled at me from below: "Down here, you jerk!"

In front of me... or rather, in front of my knees, there stood a balding midget. It looked at me quite madly and I wondered what could have upset the little fellow.

"Do you think this is funny?! Do you think this is freaking funny?!" it yelled, and pointed at my 'No Midgets - No Giants' sticker, which I had designed myself; frankly, mainly to avoid these kind of situations.

I sighed and looked at the sticker, where I had drawn a midget in a red 'NO' sign.

"Do you think this is some kind of joke, hanging this stuff here?!"

I sighed again and a feeling of guilt crept up my spine.

"OY! Do you even take this seriously?!" it yelled, this time looking even more frustrated.

"I - I am sorry..." I stuttered, slowly turning pink in the face. "I didn't realise... You're so right."

The midget seemed to cool down when I said that and now, more calmly, squeaked: "Alright. But it really pisses me off when I see shit like this hanging here. Think about others for once! It's not nice, don't you agree?"

"I am sorry, you are truly right." I said. "How could I have been so egocentric as to not even think about others when putting this sticker here. I - that was so selfish... You have opened my eyes."

The midget seemed to nod, though with midgets you really need an amplifying glass to be certain.

"Please. Let me correct my error." I said and I walked into my room to reach inside my 'No Midgets & Giants' box.

"What the... HEY! PUT ME DOWN!" it yelled as I swung the little guy over my shoulder. "FUCKING PUT ME DOWN!"

I tossed the tiny bugger out of the hall and put a sticker on the hall door. As I walked back I heard the nasty gnome had calmed down. He was right, but luckily I had corrected my error. Tomorrow I will start putting my stickers on all the halls of our student complex! Enlightenment feels good.

---

When I was finally done beating the silly Flash game, I decided to read the newspaper. After some Dutch nonsense my eyes stumbled upon an amazingly interesting article about alcohol and youngsters in America. I must admit it to you guys out there: you sure know how to handle this criminal behaviour!

Two American parents from Virginia have go to jail for 2 years for having served beer (yes, rly, beer!) to their 16 year old son and his friends on his birthday party. The bastards claimed they didn't want their son to sneak off and drink alcohol elsewhere, so they had allowed the beer to be consumed under their parental supervision. Honestly, those people make me sick!

Where have our values gone? Serving beer to 16 year olds! The legal drinking age in Virginia is 21, which is a bit low if you ask me, and these... these... TERRORISTS give their children beer! If you ask me, they could just as well have handed the youngsters over to Al Qaida! They could just as well have given them dildos! Don't they realise alcohol turns your children into gay muslim terrorists?! Heck, they might even become hippy democrats!

Two years is not enough. Therefore we must make a fist and fight alcoholism under youngsters. I myself am 19 and I never drink alcohol, for it is a sin! Luckily, the 16 year old boy has been saved from a fate worse than death. He will now grow up without his demon parents, knowing if he had not even wanted beer on his party, his parents wouldn't have been in jail. He has been enlightened, if you ask me.

By the way. In Virginia everyone can legally get a gun with the greatest of ease. Therefore it is most important to fight alcoholism there. Guns and booze make a bad combination. BAN THE BOOZE!

---

Well now. Some people still claim alcohol cannot turn you gay or muslim. For those ignorant hippies I have the following story. A story from my own, pitiful life.

Yes, before I found God and his glorious ways, I was a sinful bastard. At the age of 16, I had drunk wine with a friend. Safe to say, after this, we both experienced the effects on our sexuality and believes...

"Oh, ramon." I said.

"Oh, Wouter?" he said.

"I must say. This alcohol has caused me to be unable to think. I fear I might have turned homosexual."

Ramon nodded.

"I am experiencing the same thing. My sanity has completely vanished. Heck, I can barely concentrate on the subject. What was it... the impact of genetically modified rice on the health of Asian children? "

"Oh, heck no! We were talking about the contradictions in Victorian morales."

"I see." he said. "I am indeed quite drunk then."

"I must agree. The alcohol has taken hold of us."

A silence filled the room as we pondered.

"I might rape you tonight." I said.

Ramon nodded. "That'd be most homosexual."

"I know, but I cannot fight it. Damn you, alcohol! You have corrupted my pure soul."

"We're a lost cause, Wouter. We have soccumbed to sin. Soon we shall be banned from the society we used to love and we will be forced to end our life as muslim suicide bombers."

We then had gay sex all night and talked about how Allah would grant us wealth in the afterlife.

---

Now, if there is still one hippie out there who dares to say alcohol is not bad for children, I will eat my keyboard! Alcohol is bad for us, people. We should lock alcoholists away and force them to attend AA meetings as soon as we catch them; the younger the better. Hopefully one day America will show the world it has rid itself of all homosexualism and terrorism, through their daring approach of the problem that is booze.

Guns rock. Midgets suck. Facts.

Only one midget has been harmed during the production of the blog. Severely.