Humorism: believing in Superhuman

With artwork by The Perry Bible Fellowship.

Been working all day. It's sunday, for crying out loud. I have an exciting job at a snack bar on the train station. Today, for absolutely no reason, the Red Hot Chili Peppers decided it'd be cool to give some lousy concert right here in my town, causing my o so relaxed sunday to be turned into a frying hell.

"Damn it! We're working our asses off! And it's freaking sunday! God would roll over in his grave if he knew about this."

One of my collegues looked at me with a deep frown.

"In his grave... in heaven." I said.

The frown didn't disappear.

"God's dead, didn't you know?"

"That's not funny. You shouldn't make fun of that." she said.

"What? I'm sorry. Did he die in a humiliating way?"

Sometimes I am proud of my witty remarks. However, she wasn't amused at all.

"God is not dead, nor is he capable of dying. He is everliving and all-knowing and I am sure he doesn't mind us serving these people on His day." she snared at me.

I pondered for a second, then said "I thought he was all-powerful? Yet he is not capable of dying?"

Anyways... turns out sometimes my jokes aren't appreciated. She did not respond.

---

God.
Apparently making jokes about God isn't always funny. How come? Does our Lord have no sense of humor? I decided to pick up the Bible and see for myself. Turns out He is indeed quite a boring bastard. He doesn't fool around, doesn't abuse his powers and his apparitions aren't really all that funny either (you're all-powerful and you appear as a burning shrubbery? Ni, I say!).

Now then, I think the Bible is mistaken. God is actually a very humorous fellow. Once I prayed for a sign and he appeared to me in the form of some guy in a van, waving at me! Well, that was at least wannabe funny! He once froze my fridge, made my fruit rott and made my can opener disappear on the same day! That was a good one, really! And last but not least, he made me accidentally click on "Print" when I was looking at some porn picture when my printer was broken, and made my printer miraculously work again when my parents came to visit! Oy, that was pure gold!









And we all like to joke around with him in return!









This is, of course, alright. See, God made us in his image. From this we can deduct that God resembles us, and that all our characteristics can be found in Him. So, in fact, I am sure God would laugh about a good fart, a remark about stupid women or even a joke about himself. (Please note: God created men in his image and later added women to spice up man's life, so no, God surely does not have a period, even though reading the Bible may make you believe otherwise) This believe is called Humorism and was founded by Casper Versteijlen in 2004.

We're only human, but God is only superhuman. Just like he cannot blame us for not being perfect, we cannot possibly blame him for not always being perfectly friendly.
(I can greatly recommend you Too Much Spare Time animations, made by Andrew Kepple. His Flash skill is quite unmatched.)

It is most important for us all to understand God didn't want us to follow his orders without question. In fact, the only reason he created us was boredom. He had the powers, so why not? Unfortunately, we have used God as an excuse to perform unholy deeds all throughout history. We killed, we tortured, we annoyed, we bored. Indeed, we have driven off from God's ideals. If you take the time to watch South Park S11E05, you will find out that in God's plan, we shouldn't even have a human as pope. We would have a rabbit, for rabbits do not command us, they just sniff and hop around.


















All in all God is just a friendly fellow who has the time and power to mess with all of our lives once every while. We shouldn't be too upset by it, for we wouldn't have done better in his shoes. Nor should we be defending him, for he deserves all the jokes we make about him!

One last warning to enlighten you heathens. If you don't follow the ways of Humorism, you might find yourself 'accidentally' thrown in hell for all eternity, for God doesn't want to get bored to death in Heaven!

Disclaimer: This blog is about God, not Allah. Allah is almighty and perfect. Praise Allah, my muslim friends!

EDIT: Humorism as religion is NOT the same as the classical science of humorism, which is utter bullcrap.